Why is Life So Hard?

I hate my life a lot. I don't know if I'm just really down today or what, but all I've wanted to do lately is cry. Everyone time I hang out with my boyfriend, we seem to get into some conversation where I start crying. I don't want to end my life by any means, but I just feel so hopeless.

I have no self esteem today. I want to smoke crack more than anything, just so I can forget about the pain I'm feeling. I won't though, I'm stronger than my addiction.

I want to starve myself and never eat food ever again. I'm tired of being fat. I'm always on a diet, but then I get frusterated and end up binging.

Why out of me and my sisters, am I the only one who is so fucked up??

To add on to my problems, I have HPV. My cervix has lesions or cells that are abnormal. Now i have to have some scope shoved up there to get a better look and to clip off a piece and have a biopsy. It's probably not cancer, but now I have a greater risk of getting cancer. I wish I were rich so I could afford to get the same treatment as rich people. Do you realize the normal population seems to have 7/10 people with cancer and in Hollywood it's only 1/10. I think there is something out there for rich people, either a cure or vaccination.....

GOD help me.....