Cravings

Cravings.... and urges, I've been having them real bad. It makes me wonder if I should go back to NA, but then again, I never really liked NA. Right now my boyfriend is keeping me clean. Every time I think of using, I think about him and how it would fuck things up for us. Then there are my parents too... if I used again, that would destroy what we had rebuilt. It's sad to me that when I get urges and cravings I never think about how bad it'll fuck me up, make me depressed again, make me have no money..... I only think how it'll mess things up with other people.

I need to learn to stay away from food. I went to the gyno the other day. She was really mean to me about my weight. GEEZE, I know I'm fat! I asked her about the lapband and she said I don't need it, I just need to learn to stop eating. Haaa..... if only it were that easy. Anyway, I will be having a nutritional analysis done soon. Maybe that's the key. If not, I'll have the surgery done without her support. I don't care for her anyway!

I hate to say I'm falling in love already, but I am. It's scary at times, but I love it! I love making plans for trip we are taking in October. Knowing that he is looking that far, wanting to take trips with me in October, helps me know that he is for real and really likes me! To think I wasted so much time on jerks who treated me like shit and didn't deserve me!

I'm supposed to see me therapist tomorrow, but I stayed up too late. I think I need to reschedule cause I am sure I will be too sleepy to go.... We'll see.

OMG, so work... CRAZY! Last Friday my stalker was bugging me, I was proposed to, and I saw a naked old man masturbating. How many people have jobs like that?? The masturbating man hears voices that tell him to masturbate infront of people!! SO SICK. I was laughing so hard I was crying though!

Maybe I should go to bed....