Thunderstorms

I find myself enjoying time alone. I haven't been able to enjoy it in ages. I've always needed someone. I am becoming more comfortable with my innerself and no longer need to be with people constantly. Life isn't perfect, but it's getting better.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist Monday. A much needed appointment! Mental health is so interesting and so very confusing! I'd like to say I could get better without medications, I've learned tons of coping skills; but obviously research has been done and it's been proven that meds do help. We'll see what the doctor says.

I am not sure where to go with my eating disorder. I've been researching lap band surgery lately. You don't have to weight 250 lbs like you do in order to have gastric bypass surgery. I have just been raised to use food the wrong way. I don't use it for energy or to be healthy, I use it as a social tool, for boredom, for emotions.... I've been eating a ton better, don't get me wrong, but I'm still not doing that great. I need more help, I need to relearn to eat, and I feel like a surgery can help me because I am forced to do so. It makes no sense to anyone but myself. Being thinner won't take away all of my problems, but it will do more for me than anyone would ever know or understand....

Way Past Overdue!

I have decided I'd start posting again! I should, I have so much to say! Do I talk about work? Do I talk about my love life? Where do I start??

Well first off, I'm clean! I relapsed back in February. Not good, I know. I now understand why so many people relapse. I felt almost like I had to in order to remember how shitty my life was. CRAZY! I spent probably $500 in less that two weeks on the shit. Which is nothing compared to what I used to spend. I used to spend about $250 average a night.

I'm working at a psych hospital! GREAT JOB! Hahaha... I get the most hilarious patients. I could write an entire blog on that alone. I have been proposed to a gagillion times. I've seen enough naked people for a life time! More stories on that to come!

The last thing I feel like mentioning is my new boyfriend.... he's so lovely to me. He's a dorky guy. A few years younger, but has his shit together. He sends me cornie text message poems that I adore. He's so silly! He doesn't do drugs and has drank a handful of times in his life, so he is good for me. He enjoys going to museums, photography, and doing random things like me. I've needed a good person like this in my life! Every time I think about using, I think about him!

My goodness, it's funny how so many things happen in life, yet I can't think of what I wanted to write about. I have all of these crazy things going through my head, but when I have time to "put them down on paper", they all go away!

Well... until next time....