Thunderstorms

I find myself enjoying time alone. I haven't been able to enjoy it in ages. I've always needed someone. I am becoming more comfortable with my innerself and no longer need to be with people constantly. Life isn't perfect, but it's getting better.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist Monday. A much needed appointment! Mental health is so interesting and so very confusing! I'd like to say I could get better without medications, I've learned tons of coping skills; but obviously research has been done and it's been proven that meds do help. We'll see what the doctor says.

I am not sure where to go with my eating disorder. I've been researching lap band surgery lately. You don't have to weight 250 lbs like you do in order to have gastric bypass surgery. I have just been raised to use food the wrong way. I don't use it for energy or to be healthy, I use it as a social tool, for boredom, for emotions.... I've been eating a ton better, don't get me wrong, but I'm still not doing that great. I need more help, I need to relearn to eat, and I feel like a surgery can help me because I am forced to do so. It makes no sense to anyone but myself. Being thinner won't take away all of my problems, but it will do more for me than anyone would ever know or understand....